To serve my country in the second most important office of the land, Supermodel of the Year not withstanding.

And so, Mr. Obama, may I suggest:

Choose me! Choose me!

Choose me to be your running mate!

I know you and Caroline Kennedy are searching high and lo, to and fro for a suitable running mate, and if I may be so bold, I believe you have not exhausted all possibilities.

Like yours truly. Think of it: Vice President Mary Jo Pehl.

As you and those reading this may or may not or may know, I have been fired or laid off from numerous jobs, or both if the company was especially vindictive. I was fired from a secretarial job because I had an “attitude” problem, in that I resented the fact that everyone thought I was their secretary or something. I was fired from another job for putting a naughty name in a rough draft of a document I was asked to type. It was for my own amusement but somehow it was overlooked when someone else proofread the letter and it got sent out to the board of directors. Immature? Indeed. I see that now, and I realize I owe Wayne Fuckson an apology.

But, if I do say so myself, I began to acquit myself in a more professional manner when I began to temp. I managed composure when I reported to a company for a temp filing assignment and a fellow asked me if I was “familiar with the alphabet.”

I began doing stand-up comedy, some acting, a voice-over job here and there, writing for my hometown weekly shopper, and then I got hired on at Mystery Science Theater 3000 for the longest period of time I have ever worked anywhere. I got to watch movies alllll day long with funny and smart people, and laugh my head off every single day.

And I never got fired or laid off once (although a disgruntled fan e-mailed me in 2006 and accused me of being the one responsible for the show being canceled. Thank you, Mr. Johnny-On-The-Spot-Seven-Years-After-The-Fact-Man! Yes, indeed, that’s a strongly worded dressing down from Ms. WTF?! In your face, man!)

Anyway, Mr. Obama, I am happy to forward my resume to you detailing my work experience, but as these examples exemplify, I work well with people, I am a team player, but I also work well independently because I’m proactive, I take initiative and I’m a trouble-shooter and problem-solver. I can make fun of movies and write dialogue for robots. May I humbly offer that I am at least as qualified to be a Vice President than some other folks are to be President?

What’s that? Do I have any questions? Well, let’s see… how much does this job pay? And are there benefits? At Mystery Science Theater we got free pop. And how flexible are the hours? I ask because I’m currently working on Cinematic Titanic with some of my former colleagues, and will need a lot of time off to work on that project. And where will my office be? Is there a dress code? Can I have Monday off?

Thank you, sir, for your consideration. I await your call. Barring an offer of the Vice Presidency, do you have anything that needs to be filed?